The Daily Aphorisms of a Female Quartet

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"You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

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an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)

(via shloobykitten)

#squiggly #approaching girls

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Notes

(via brokenmachine)

Text 1
Notes Love Yourself

If you have any type of hatred towards men at the moment, it is best to step back, and be with yourself and only yourself for a small while. Investigate your feelings, feel them entirely, and resolve them. Once resolved, put yourself back out there and try again.

Sincerely,

Squiggly

#dating advice #love yourself #squiggly

Text Keep On Trekkin

For awhile now, my mind has been plagued by the thought that all men want is sex. The reason being? I’m surrounded by men. Not horrible, chauvinistic pigs, but men who are there for me, and are telling me like it is. You see, I love having male friends. But there is a huge downside to it - you only get the straight up truth. This means they reaffirm the fact that you think the man only wants to get in your pants, they reaffirm the fact that he doesnt want a serious relationship and is completely fucking you over. You know what, if it weren’t for these men, though, we would be dating all the wrong men. They give us the straight gut wrenching answers that most of our female friends may tip toe around, or may not even know the answer to. These men help us build our guards, make us realize that we deserve men, REAL MEN, who love us for us, and to hold out until that person comes along.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes their point of view sucks (and may be ENTIRELY WRONG). they have made me feel extremely hopeless in the dating arena recently. I date many men, don’t get me wrong, but now I have this notion that all they want to do is fuck me. I have lashed out at men recently, been flat out assholish to them, only because I feel like “hey theyre doing it to us, so why not give it right back?” I feel like this is the answer, because we live in a male-dominated society, but is it really the answer?

I’m not entirely sure. But I’m learning how to cope with how I feel right now and hopefully I will learn how to focus my thoughts onto something with positive energy again; myself.

Sincerely,

Squiggly

#dating #squiggly #what men want

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ooooh yaaa

Text 2
Notes Live Your Life

If you want something, go for it. No one is holding you back but yourself.

Sincerely,

Squiggly

#life advice #squiggly

Text 7
Notes Develop An Independent Lifestyle

Dating isn’t everything. Sometimes when you become single after a relationship you don’t know what to do with yourself, so you scramble to get back into the dating scene and end up getting into one heartbreak after the other, or you just can’t find a guy that suits you. I have an idea. Instead, develop your interests! Create new hobbies for yourself! Do something you felt you could never do while having a significant other! Travel to see friends from the past or from college, travel to foreign countries with buddies, go for that job in NYC you never thought you could get, teach yourself the guitar, join a sports team, learn how to bartend.

Funny story. I have done every single one of these things in the past year while single and I have developed a much stronger sense of self because of it. No longer will you need someone else to feel complete. A man is good for you only when you want him there, not when you need him there, and he will come when the time is right.

Sincerely,

Squiggly

#life advice #being independent #squiggly #the single life

Text 3
Notes

It sucks when you have a lot of fun dating some one but you know deep down inside that they aren’t the one for you. The idea that they might be is very enticing and causes denial of the fact that its really not going to go anywhere. But when you know, you know and it’ll always be an elephant in the room. So once you are completely sure its not what you want, why waste your time? Yes they may be fun but if you’re hanging out with them then you’ll have less opportunities to meet another person who could be a better fit.

With that said i’ll probably end up alone, reading romance novels and eating gallons of ice cream daily cuz i was too picky when it came to men. Yaaaaaaaay for not settling!

$laracroft$

#dating #$laracroft$

Text Optimism Is Key

We all have our ups and downs. But if you feel like things are bad/boring at the moment, get excited because that means that sooner or later things will have to be excellent and exciting again. You never know what the future holds. Keep this motto in mind, and you will live a healthy & happy life for sure.

Sincerely,

Squiggly

#squiggly #life advice